Two and a half weeks in, and motherhood is pretty awesome so far, as is my gorgeous kid. I’m amazed by how enchanted I am with her – her goofy faces, her little toes, even the contents of her diapers are all endlessly fascinating. Yesterday we had a really good day together. Nothing extra-special, just us girls hanging out. She’s starting to become more aware of what’s going on around her, of what I look like from a few feet away, of what my voice sounds like when I sing to her, all of which just inspires me to interact with her more. Yesterday we sang and chatted and snuggled, and it was a really good day.
One thing that struck me is that I’m a better mom to her when I’m happy. This seems like an obvious no-brainer, but it’s the sort of thing you don’t really think about, you know? Of course there are times when I’m really tired and I just stare at her all bleary-eyed, without the energy to engage with her. Some of that is just part of the package deal of having a little baby, but part of it has been because I’m worrying about my husband having to go to work and I’m trying to take on as much of the nighttime stuff as I can so he can sleep. But when I try to do everything myself, I’m not taking care of myself, which I should do just in general and because I’m still healing. If I’m not taking care of myself, then I’m not going to be as present for her as she deserves. There have also been days when I’m preoccupied, worrying about the future, about what will happen when I have to go back to work – but when I’m worrying about the future, I’m not here in the present moment with her. Yesterday I’d had a decent amount of sleep, and for some reason I let all of the worrying go and just spent time with her. And it was a great day.
From a yogic perspective, this reminds me of the four duties of a yogi – that the yogi needs to care for herself first, in order to have enough to give to others. And it also reminds me to live in the present moment, rather than dwelling on the past or worrying over the future. And on that note, someone’s waking up, so I’m going to spend this moment with her.